There is never enough time. It's the truth. No matter how much you've said or done, it will never seem like enough when the hourglass runs dry. I realized that this past Tuesday when my ouma phoned to tell me that my oupa had died. It wasn't really unexpected...we all thought he'd pass within the next year or so. We didn't think it would be this soon. I thought I had more time...more time to thank him...more time to talk to him...more time to just love him. Like I said, there is just never enough time.
I found out about the cancer in Roatan only a few months ago. It seemed improbable to me that he wouldn't be around forever. It was less than two years ago that he danced at our wedding...thrusting his hips as he jived...his silver hair glinting in the candlelight of the reception room. He seemed the picture of health swaying in the suit he wore to his own wedding. Even then, I realized I would cherish the moment for all time. There would be no forgetting and I placed the memory fervently in my already hot heart...stashed it with all the other beautiful memories I'd gathered of him over the years. I knew, one day, I'd have to take it out and remember it as I said goodbye. I just didn't think it would happen now. There I go again...thinking about all the time we should have had.
I honestly believe my oupa was the last true gentleman alive. When I was smaller, he'd push me to the inside of the sidewalk stating that a man never let a lady walk close to traffic. I always felt comfortable with him. His sense of integrity and respect never dwindled...never faltered. He was a true man until the very end. My oupa taught me that the right decisions aren't always the easy ones. He showed me that family is the most important gift and that the truth is something you can never hide from. He taught me how to tie my shoelaces with the necktie ribbon of my teddy bear and scolded me for crying wolf in our swimming pool. He eased my worries about the Easter Bunny not being able to find me when we came to visit and explained what a good marriage was really all about. He taught me how to behave simply because I didn't want to disappoint him. The last thing I wanted as a child, or as an adult was to see him hurt by my actions. I had/have so much respect that I will forever live my life in a way that makes him proud.
We were so much alike in so many ways. We both love white chocolate, are sometimes overly sensitive and seek our true selves in our family. We had our inside jokes and I still think he used to eat trees to become so strong. He always said he should have been born in the olden days - I have always felt the same way.
This goodbye is bittersweet. While I will miss him more than I can ever express, I know his passing was a gift. He did not suffer. In the end, he outlived most of his children and all of his grandchildren. He lived a long and passionate life experiencing Africa with all that he was. He had loving parents, good looks and built a beautiful family. We should all be so lucky. In the end, he went gently into the sweet night...passing in his sleep. What a fitting ending for a life lived so well.
Goodbye my oupa. Thank you for all that you were and for all that you gave to me. I am forever blessed because of what you've been for me.
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